i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
