WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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