Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
