That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
