My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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