If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
