Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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