if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
