i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
