I need to stop coming to work sober
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
