She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
