im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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