you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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