Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
