I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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