The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize