Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
