Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
