Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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