we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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