I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont even know how to be here
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
