I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
