great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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