you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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