With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pray to the hookup gods
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
