Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
