Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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