im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
