you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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