I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
