We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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