That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We're too hungover to prance.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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