Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
