I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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