I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
