Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
