He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Are my feet made of real feet?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
