so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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