I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
