I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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