You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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