i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
