Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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