There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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