You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
