My first STD was from a foam party
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
