I smell stomach acid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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