Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
