shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
