There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
