reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
