there's paper in my vomit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize