I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
