It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
