I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
