all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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