WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
