bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
