we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize