I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
