I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize