im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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