K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
