I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
