was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
