life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
