maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize